Everyman

I'm the man your mother warned you about
I'm the man who's past his prime and doesn't realize it
I'm the man who picks his nose in the car
I'm the man who will never love you as much as he loved his first dog, first car or the first girl who laid him
I'm the man who drinks to forget
I'm the man who's still trying to impress his father
I'm the man who tells himself size doesn't matter
I'm the man who knows how to change tires, the oil and the spark plugs, but not his 19th Century attitude
I'm the man who's about to start a fight
I'm the man who's worried that he'll go blind and get hairy palms from masturbating too much
I'm the man who, after 17 years of marriage, still makes anniversary plans at the last minute
I'm the man who's more comfortable with children and animals than he is with beautiful women
I'm the man who cooks with fire and finally learned to separate
colors for the wash
I'm the man who's still hoping for washboard abs, chiseled pecs and biceps that could be referred to as "guns."
I'm the man who is afraid he'll die without knowing what being a man is.